I get really excited about other people’s birthdays because I think the chance to celebrate another person’s existence is amazing. I love the idea of having an entire day to be happy for someone, about someone. I’ve always felt this way.
When I was little, I loved my birthday, too. My mom always threw a small party with family and two friends that I got to choose. Mom would make snacks and Grammy would make food and we would order a cake from the grocery store. Every year I thought long and hard about the theme. One year was Rugrats. Another was PowerPuff Girls. Later the theme was Harry Potter.
As the years went on, I got less and less excited for my birthday. I still loved to celebrate others, but October 18th just didn’t have the same appeal for me anymore. Sometimes I wonder why. Is it just that getting older really did make things less exciting?
Last year on my birthday I was still in a pretty rough place. I was desperately trying to find a job that would allow me to stay in the country. It was close enough to my visa expiration date that the people at home were starting to get excited about the prospect of seeing me again. But I wasn’t nearly as thrilled as everyone else. I was kind of dreading coming back home and seeing all those people again. A lot had changed in the year I was gone and I was desperately afraid of disappointing the ones close to me.
But I had a friend who wanted to make my birthday a special day. In fact, since my birthday was on a Saturday, she wanted to make the weekend a special weekend. On Saturday we toured Bletchley Park, went shopping, and ended the night with Thai food. We spent Sunday in Stratford-upon-Avon and she humored my geeky Shakespeare obsession. That day ended with gelato in a little ice cream shop. It was a fun weekend away and I didn’t have to worry about my imminent departure.
This year, my birthday snuck up on me. With all the adjusting involved in my new job, and the fact that I’ve been on the road for the majority of the past month, I was genuinely surprised when I realized the date at the beginning of the week. I thought ‘Oh hey, my birthday is this weekend. Imagine that.’
So am I doing anything fun? No, I’m doing the same thing that kept me from realizing it was my birthday in the first place: working. I’m driving to Long Island, to be specific, and getting ready for a week of high school visits and college fairs. Yesterday I had to ask my mom the date. She looked at me funny and said, ‘October 17th. You know, the day before you were born?’ I replied, ‘Oh yeah.’
While I’m not excited about my birthday this year, I am kind of freaked out over the prospect of turning 25. I’ve been on this earth for a quarter of a century now, and I don’t feel as if I’ve really accomplished anything worth while. Yes, I’ve done exciting things in my life, but I don’t think I’ve done anything really substantial. Anything that’s made the world a better place for my being in it.
On the verge of turning 25 I am—
-No longer unemployed, which is definitely a good thing
but
-I live at home
because
-I pay honestly more than you want to know every month in student loans
-I’ve made some amazing friends in my lifetime
but
-I’m finally at the age when people are starting to look at me funny after I tell them I’m single and don’t have any plans in the works to start a family
In all honesty, I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending transitory period. Everything since high school graduation has been a build-up for entering the ‘real world,’ but now that I’m supposedly there, I still feel as if I’m working up to some type of unknown goal. I think I feel this way because the ‘real world’ is changing.
The real world is no longer a white picket fence, a husband, 2.5 kids, and a job where you earn 70% of what said husband earns. I think the only realistic bit about the ‘old’ real world is the 70% wages…
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to afford my own house. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel financially stable enough to start a family. Right now, I can’t even imagine having my student loans paid off, and with every student loan check that I write, owning a car feels more and more like a pipe dream. So while I often feel a bit like Debbie Downer, just as often I feel like this new ‘real world’ I find myself in warrants a bit of practical thinking.
My aunt sent me a birthday card this week, and when I opened it, I thought ‘Oh my gosh, a check! Now I don’t have to feel so guilty about those Batman underwear I bought.’ And I think that is an apt summary of the world twenty-somethings are finding themselves in today. We’re fighting tooth and nail to make something of ourselves, even though the odds are stacked almost insurmountably against us.
So what am I going to do, now that I’m 25? The lure of being grumpy and depressed about my current situation is strong, but I still want to make something of myself. I still want this world to be a better place because I’m in it…
This year, I’m definitely going to keep fighting. I’m going to continue to try to make a difference in this world and I’m going to try my hardest to not be Debbie Downer. Maybe most importantly, I need to remember that I’m fighting for something entirely different than the generations that have come before me. And when it comes to the little things, like those superfluous Batman underwear, I’m going to try to remember that even if I don’t strictly need them, it’s often the little things that have the ability to brighten your day.
So go forth, all of my fellow twenty-somethings, and fight to be successful in your own personal real world. Try to make your world a better place. And if you get frustrated, remember that you’re not in it alone. Remember all the other twenty-somethings out there, fighting the same fight. And if you’re ever feeling especially down, Target usually has a nice selection of superfluous things that will brighten your day just the tiniest bit you need to keep on fighting.
Midnights & Miles 